Jonathan Archer

Portrait of a Character – Esilia

Portrait of a Character – Esilia

Esilia means putting a face on a woman who never got one.

Origins

Karyn Archer Esilia

Karyn Archer

We have absolutely nothing on Esilia in Star Trek: Enterprise canon, save that she was Ikaaran and married Jonathan Archer. Their only known descendant in the canon E2 episode is Karyn Archer. Hence Esilia and Jonathan had at least one son together. After that, there’s nothing.

There are no log entries, no pictures, no voice recordings, no lore. There are no images of full-blooded Ikaarans anywhere. It’s possible that Karyn’s notched nose comes from some other ancestry. It is canon that other species were taken aboard in order to help assure that generational ship’s survival.

Portrayal

Portrait of a Character – Esilia

Because Karyn is dark, I figured Esilia might be dark as well. Karyn has Asian features, but those might come from Hoshi Sato or Daniel Chang being in her ancestry. But I wanted her to be somewhat darker for another reason, and so I hit upon the idea of Courteney Cox. Cox is a beautiful woman, to be sure, but she is also good at playing neurotic.

For me, Ikaarans have a damned good reason to be neurotic – they don’t live for very long. But Esilia gets a very different chance, and that’s really only because I decided on two kick backs in time instead of just one. Esilia is a part of the second kicking back. Hence the If I Had to Do It All Over Again ficlet, while it refers to Esilia, is actually a misnomer. That ficlet really belongs to Esilia’s predecessor from the first kick back in time, Ebrona.

Personality

Where Ebrona (also played by Cox) is somewhat cautious, Esilia only starts out that way. This has to do quite a bit with Phlox‘s medical abilities. In the fourth of my four E2 stories, he manages to cure the genetic time bomb ticking inside all Ikaarans, known as the decline. Given a reprieve on life, Esilia makes the most of that.

Relationships

Jonathan Archer

Portrait of a Character – Esilia

Esilia (Courteney Cox)

Esilia’s only known relationship is with the captain. Much like Ebrona, she is the First Officer on her vessel and, as such, is thrown together with Jonathan quite a bit. So much company creates a familiarity that makes falling in love a lot easier. For Ikaarans, the gift of a living thing (animal or plant) is the equivalent of a marriage proposal, so Jonathan gives her a living gift for that very reason.

With a new lease on life after the decline is cured, Esilia and Jonathan have a happy and fulfilling marriage.

Quote

“I accept your living gift, and all that it entails. I will love you until the decline takes me.”

Upshot

For a character with no background, no past and no more than the barest of sketches, I like to think that Esilia now has some depth.

Posted by jespah in Interphases series, Portrait, 7 comments

Portrait of a Character – Cyril Morgan

Portrait of a Character – Cyril Morgan

Cyril Morgan evolved as I wrote him.

Origins

Originally, I was looking for an evil Mirror Universe doctor, to be Phlox‘s successor. But then I made a decision to give the man a Prime Universe counterpart, and he got, to me, even more interesting, as the dichotomy grew between the two versions.

Portrayal

Doctor Cyril Morgan

Doctor Morgan

I see and hear Michael Caine for this role. I like his gravitas, his gentle-sounding voice and the fact that he can also, at times, seem to be utterly evil. Morgan in our universe is kindly, highly skilled, meticulous, thoughtful  and somewhat grandfatherly.

He is far different in the mirror.

Personality

As a healer, Cyril Morgan brings intelligence but also shrewdness. In our universe, he is a retired orthopedic surgeon (Fortune). But he comes out of retirement and is brought in as a fill-in doctor on Jonathan Archer’s second ship, the USS Zefram Cochrane, as Phlox has returned to Denobula (We Meet Again). He retires again, afterwards, and Blair Claymore becomes the CMO on the USS Bluebird (Fortune).

In an alternate timeline, he is brought out of retirement a lot longer, and serves as Malcolm‘s CMO, again on the Bluebird, but in a lost cause (Temper).

Relationships

So I haven’t shown any romantic relationships for him yet, but he’s Pamela Hudson‘s uncle, and is Cindy Morgan’s grandfather. Hence he at least has one son.

Mirror Universe Cyril Morgan

Portrait of a Character – Cyril Morgan

Mirror Cyril Morgan

Hence the Mirror Doctor Morgan fulfills the promise of the Mirror Phlox. Ruthless and ambitious, he has no qualms about getting rid of anyone in his way.

In Coveted Commodity, he gives Travis a choice, as the Empress Hoshi Sato is vulnerable. Will Travis let him kill (or at least not resuscitate) Hoshi on the operating table?

And in Reversal (and in other stories), there are rumors that he was the one to kill Ian Reed, although that’s somewhat unclear (it’s possible that it was Phlox. It is cleared up in Throwing Rocks at Looking Glass Houses). This is part of the chain of events that makes Doug Hayes‘s rise possible.

In Temper, he ends up caring for Blair, and the implication is that it might be for a reason other than medical treatment.

Quote

This is my granddaughter, Cindy Morgan. And this is her friend, Jia Sulu. Oh, and this is Fenway.”

Upshot

For a guy who started out as a vile denizen of the Mirror Universe, he got a bit of a soul as I went along. The kindly old grandfather here is a ruthless killer over there.

Posted by jespah in Fan fiction, In Between Days series, Portrait, 16 comments

Review – Broken Seal

Broken Seal Background

Broken seal?

So Broken Seal was written in response to a monthly challenge about silence. It takes place in the In Between Days time period and the Prime Universe, after Together and before The Cure is Worse than the Disease.

Premise

So I knew that my competition would be mainly writing sad stories, as silence tends to lead one in that direction. Hence I decided to zig instead of zag, and went for a comedy.

The Seventh Seal broken seal

The Seventh Seal

It’s Movie Night, and Chip Masterson has been touting The Seventh Seal  all week. It’s going to be a celebration of highbrow culture. He’s excited as he’s the biggest film buff on the ship. He’s going to have a discussion and everything.

Meanwhile, Tripp Tucker is trying to reconcile with T’Pol. So he’s using the occasion of the film as a means to get back into her good graces. Hence he figures that an intellectual date will really appeal to her.

Malcolm is excited about the film as he wants to watch it and compare notes with his girl afterwards. But she is at home, so this is a kind of date for them as well, and she assures him that she will dress up and everything.

It All Goes Haywire

However, all is not right, for Hoshi Sato has been hit with a tiny spatial anomaly. And so she makes plans to derail the film’s showing. She enlists Travis‘s help, and she splices a very different film onto The Seventh Seal. And this changes its ending dramatically.

Bambi Woods - not the star of The Seventh Seal broken seal

Bambi Woods – not the star of The Seventh Seal

But the projectionist, Aidan MacKenzie, doesn’t suspect a thing. So he just loads the film and then more or less dozes off, bored by the Bergman film. And the MACOs are watching; Jonathan Archer is watching; Jenny from Engineering is watching, and suddenly the film’s plot is changed considerably. Jonathan calls off the evening and yells for Masterson and MacKenzie to join him in his Ready Room. And they are in big, big trouble.

Hence Malcolm confirms with his girl – this isn’t the ending of The Seventh Seal at all.

So – whodunit? Who messed up the film? Will Hoshi confess? Stay tuned.

Story Postings

Rating

While the story is rated K, it does refer to an NC-17-rated film.

Upshot

While I like the comedy aspects of it, I think I could have amped it up even more. Hence I think I should have played up Chip’s pain and fear that he’d lose his Ensign’s rank even more.

Posted by jespah in In Between Days series, Review, 9 comments

Portrait of a Character – Jonathan Archer

Portrait of a Character – Jonathan Archer

Jonathan Archer is important. Every Star Trek series has a memorable captain.

Origins

Portrait of a Character – Jonathan Archer

Jonathan Archer

The character is, of course, Star Trek canon. In canon, Archer is the first captain of a Warp Five star ship, the NX-01 Enterprise. He gets the nod over his friend, A. G. Robinson (they are both test pilots).

He becomes, eventually, a Federation Representative and then President of the Federation. He also becomes an Admiral. Some of the order of these events is a bit unclear. And that’s canon.

Portrayal

As in canon, Jonathan Archer is played by Scott Bakula.

Personality

Affable, intelligent and eager to get out there, Archer is in for a surprise when he meets any number of new species who are less than happy about meeting him, eating meat, smelling his dog, shaking his hand, eating in front of him, letting him walk on their grass or do any number of what we would consider to be easy and nonconfrontational acts. It’s not easy being first.

Portrait of a Character – Jonathan Archer

Archer during the Xindi War

By the time of the Xindi War, Jonathan is obsessed with finding the Xindi ultimate weapon. He is as tense as anyone was in the United States a few months after 9/11. He’s got a serious mission, and needs to see it through. And that means torture, piracy and other ruthless tactics. It’s not easy to lose one’s innocence, either.

When the serious concludes, he has been through a great deal, including the death of a close friend. Space has changed him but, ultimately, he has grown as a person.

Fan fiction

As I write him, I add a second ship assignment, the USS Zefram Cochrane (DC-1500), in Fortune. The Cochrane is better-equipped than the Enterprise and can hold more people. It has more advanced weaponry but it isn’t any faster. Because Tripp is gone, and T’Pol has returned to Vulcan, Jonathan selects Malcolm to be his First Officer. Malcolm is on paternity leave when Archer asks him to come along. Therefore, Hoshi fills in temporarily. Travis continues as pilot. Phlox has also departed, returning to his home world. Hence the role of Chief Medical Officer goes to Blair Claymore. The Science Officer position goes to Ensign Lucy Stone.

In Equinox, Malcolm reveals that Jonathan is serving as a Representative so the Cochrane instead falls to Malcolm. Jonathan’s tenure as a Representative is also part of  Flight of the Bluebird, and his later career and years are in Bread and A Hazy Shade. Being an eligible bachelor means the tabloid press is also very nosy.

Relationships

Deborah Haddon

During the events of Together, Jonathan is paired up with Security Crewman Deb Haddon. The relationship is unequal, as he ranks so much higher than she does. Complicating matters is the fact that she has a crush on him.

Her crush is also a part of the alternative timeline story, The Black Widow.

By the time of Fortune, he realizes that he misses, if not her (she is already wed to Chip Masterson by that time), then he at least misses the idea of having someone in his life.

Miva

Portrait of a Character – Jonathan Archer

Jonathan and Porthos

In Fortune, they meet. They initially cannot wed. This is because she already has a husband. But that doesn’t stop a relationship from developing, for Miva has as open a marriage as all Calafans do. For Jonathan, though, things are more complex and difficult. He feels he can be with her during dreams. But he feels he cannot be with her in reality until she becomes available. They are still unwed as of Flight of the Bluebird. Her husband eventually dies. They wed about a year after that.

Their marriage is a long-term one, shown in A Hazy Shade. I currently have an even later portrait of their marriage on the drawing board. That story is These Are the Destinations.

Ebrona

In the E2 stories, there are actually two kick backs in time. In the first one, Jonathan takes up with an Ikaaran woman named Ebrona. He loves her very deeply. But her life is cut short. This is due to a genetic disease the Ikaarans call the decline. Together, they have a son, Henry. Jonathan’s feelings for Ebrona come forth in If I Could Do it All Over Again.

Esilia

While this is a canon E2 relationship, she is never on screen. Neither are any full-blood Ikaarans. Therefore, I have had to conjecture about her looks and their relationship. As with Ebrona, the feelings are very deep. However, by the time he weds Esilia, there is a treatment or the decline. Hence Jonathan does not become a widower as early as before. In addition, during the second kick back in time, Jonathan learns that Ebrona kept some things from him. He doesn’t have those issues with Esilia.

Theme Music

In Together, he has two themes. By himself, his theme is Jefferson Airplane’s Someone to Love. With Deb, his theme is The Cardigans’ Lovefool.

Mirror Universe

Portrait of a Character – Jonathan Archer

Mirror Jonathan Archer

Jonathan’s mirror universe counterpart  is canon, and his death, at the hands of Hoshi, is also canon. I don’t mess with that. Hence, at the time of Reversal, the mirror universe Archer is long dead, and Doug and Tripp do not have to deal with him. Since he was poisoned by Hoshi, it’s entirely possible that that was via tricoulamine.

At some point, I may be writing more of a back story for Ian Reed. Hence Jonathan might get some air time.

Quote

“Smile just a tiny bit. It’s been a helluva day. I just want to see a little something good.”

Upshot

Handsome and heroic, Jonathan is a quintessential leader. But he’s also torn and doubtful at times. He is far from perfect. I hope the way I write him dovetails sufficiently with canon.

Posted by jespah in Fan fiction, In Between Days series, Interphases series, Portrait, 64 comments

Review – And the Livin’ is Easy

Review – And the Livin’ is Easy

And the livin’ is easy? That can only mean one thing: summertime.

Background

So I originally wrote this story as a response to a prompt about the seasons. I had already written a story about winter, called A Hazy Shade. That one was somewhat depressing. I wanted something cheerier, so I thought of the summertime, and so And the Livin’ is Easy was born.

Plot Elements

As a missing scene from the canon Star Trek: Enterprise episode Two Days and Two Nights, I wanted to obliquely introduce the Calafans without beating the reader over the head with that. Hence, in this little ficlet, Jonathan Archer is engaging in a little girl watching.

There are two women in his sights. They are chatting together, but are not on Risa together on vacation. Rather, it’s more like they met there and got along so they are doing a little quick touring together.

Canon-ish

Review – And the Livin' is Easy

Archer IV fish

In the canon Star Trek: Enterprise episode, Archer refers to a boat ride where fish are caught and cooked for you right there. Since that boat ride is never seen, I seized the opportunity to show it. So he is on a bench and the two women are nearby, chatting. One is a Trill, but not named. I never meant it to be a first contact or canon-busting story at all. The other is a Calafan, recognizable from my Star Trek fanfiction as she has silvery scrollwork on her arms and speaks with an Irish brogue.

Jonathan speaks with them and asks them to show him around, but unfortunately they tell him they are leaving the following day.

Story Postings

Rating

The story has a K rating.

Upshot

I just wrote the story as a gentle summery kind of scene. I think it makes a sweet little prequel tale.

Posted by jespah in Fan fiction, In Between Days series, Review, 4 comments

Review – Protocols

ReviewProtocols 

Do protocols matter in times of war?

Protocols was written in response to a prompt about arts and crafts, and covers a small missing scene from the third season of ENT. Namely, it’s the celebration of Captain

Review – Protocols

Scott Bakula

Archer‘s birthday. As a result, it was meant to be a bit of a contrast to the ENT canon Silent Enemy episode, wherein the executive staff celebrates Malcolm Reed‘s birthday. Because the Xindi war is raging, I wanted it to be different.

Preparations

For Lili to ply her trade as a combination sous-chef, pastry chef and saucier, she needs to be able to expertly handle a pastry bag and tip. Although art runs in her family (in Fortune, she reveals that her mother was a potter), Lili isn’t a fine artist. Therefore, she traces the image of a shuttle, and of Captain Archer, onto the top of the cake. She does this by projecting an image with her PADD and then following along with icing.

Mistake

Review – Protocols

Lili makes one big error by writing out Happy Birthday, Jonathan! instead of Happy Birthday, Captain Archer! Chef Slocum points this out to her, but it’s too late to fix it. Slocum tells her that Archer has been in a foul mood ever since the Loque’eque virus (from the canon Star Trek: Enterprise episode Extinction). A little apprehensive, she serves the birthday dinner, and then the dessert, which is a strawberry shortcake. She has chosen strawberry because, unlike in Silent Enemy, she has been taking note of the food preferences of the executive staff. If strawberry isn’t Jonathan Archer’s favorite, it’s probably close enough. In Local Flavor, Travis comments that he’s going to miss her strawberry shortcake.

Redemption

After the cake is cut and the dinner is over, the captain approaches her. Lili immediately apologizes for being overly familiar and not following proper protocols. But the captain sees things differently, and urges her to make the same cake, with the same greeting on it, the following year, assuming they make it out of the Xindi war alive.

Story Postings

Rating

The story has a K rating.

Upshot

I like how the story flowed, from Lili’s task to Will Slocum scolding her, to the dinner (which includes referencing to the canon conflict between Malcolm Reed and Jay Hayes) to the short post-dinner conversation. I’m very happy with how this ficlet turned out.


You can find me on .

Posted by jespah in Fan fiction, In Between Days series, Review, 7 comments

Review – Harvest

Review – Harvest

Harvest is one of those stories which starts off as minimal. But then context gives it meaning.

Background

Lili has to, at some point, join the NX-01. She is more or less drafted during the Star Trek: Enterprise canon Xindi war. She is to replace steward Preston Jennings. Lili also replaces an unnamed sous-chef and an equally unnamed pastry chef. Non-combat personnel really need to go.

I had already showed her being drafted in Voracious. Hence this would be a scene that would take place not too much later.

There were hints about this story, too, in He Stays a Stranger, where a far more mature Malcolm and Lili, in a shared dream, recall their first meeting –

[They] saw the day they had first met, a day near the start of the Xindi War, when Captain Jonathan Archer had brought a new sous-chef onto the NX-01 and introduced her to the senior staff as she served a Harvest Salad, her specialty from her old restaurant, Voracious. They shook hands and looked in each other’s eyes then, too, and Malcolm remembered he had thought that her eyes and hair were pretty and she had a lovely smile, and Lili remembered that she had thought he seemed very intelligent and well-mannered, not to mention a little cute.

The Set Up

Review – Harvest

Harvest Salad

For a new sous-chef on a starship, her first day had to involve making a meal. I also made sure to have the meal coincide with Major Jay Hayes‘s first day as well. That way, there could be the canon tension between him and Reed as an underlying part of the story.

Tripp Tucker‘s very recent bereavement was also part of the tale. As Lili is a chef, I also wanted to give a canon shout out to Hoshi‘s canon experimentation with cooking in the Singularity episode.
Review – Harvest

The meal is a Harvest Salad, one of Lili’s specialties.

The Meal

The captain and the senior staff wait as the chef and the new sous-chef are a bit late. Hence the captain makes use of the time to introduce the new MACO CO, as it’s also his first day. So there’s already a bit of tension between Hayes and Reed by the time Chef Slocum and Lili walk in.

Lili is nervous meeting new people and starting a new job. She fusses over the placement of the flatware. Then she forgets she’s still holding a teacup when she comes over for introductions. She drops it twice – once, when Phlox grins at her too widely. The second time is when she and Malcolm are chatting.

Because the salad contains various fruits and nuts, it can symbolize some of the disparate elements that are coming together. Lili spends some of this time asking various senior staffers what some of their favorite foods are. And she promises to give them portions with extras of their favorites. Malcolm’s canon love of pineapple, and Tripp’s canon love of pecan pie, both come out. Jay Hayes reveals a preference for blueberries. However, I don’t show Captain Archer’s preference for strawberries until Protocols.

Story Postings

Rating

The story is rated K.

Upshot

I like how it turned out; plus people liked it. The idea of Lili giving the senior staff a little taste (quite literally) of home, and promising to provide a little bit of comfort right at the start of the canon Star Trek: Enterprise Xindi war was an irresistible premise.

Posted by jespah in Fan fiction, In Between Days series, Review, 9 comments

Inspiration – Education

Education

Education matters.

Background

I actually have a bit of training in creative writing, and I like to call upon it as I write, in particular when I write longer pieces.

My two sources of creative writing education were my 12th grade AP English teacher, Kitty Lindsay and the poet George Starbuck, who I studied under while I was a student at

education

Myles Standish Hall at Boston University in Boston, MA (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Boston University. My undergraduate degree is in Philosophy. I did not take more than the one creative writing class although I do wish I had.

But let’s get down to brass tacks, shall we?

I’ll start with Kitty’s biggest and best mantra for writing, which was, simply, characters-conflict-crisis-change.

What does it all mean?

Characters

I don’t think you’ll find anyone who disputes the need for good, solid, memorable characters. However, there are those who would rather see (mainly) Star Trek canon characters in fanfiction stories. I disagree but do not begrudge these people their opinions.

Don’t get me wrong. I like the canon characters in pretty much all of the series (I am even okay with Wesley). But this does not mean that other characters and other situations don’t appeal.

For example, the Reversal storyline hinges, to a large extent, upon the fact that Lili and Doug are pretty much down to their last chances. I needed for Lili to be an original character, as there was no one else aboard the NX-01 who would have fit the bill. The character had to be human (so T’Pol was out), had to be older (so Hoshi was out) and had to be someone who would normally be underestimated (so Erika Hernandez and Amanda Cole were out).

Making People

Character creation is an ongoing process. Generally, for me, a character springs up but then changes as more back story is added. Shelby Pike, for example, arose as a former ballerina but she didn’t originally have some issues with confidence. Declan Reed wasn’t originally an artist. And Aidan MacKenzie was originally just a pretty face. He didn’t get any depth until later.

education

Travis Mayweather (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

For canon characters, I don’t change anything that’s already been defined. Hence Captain Archer is still Scott Bakula, Charles Tucker still has a Florida accent and Travis Mayweather remains a space boomer. But there are all sorts of other things that I was able to add and define and then refine.

For example, as I write Malcolm Reed, he has a knack for giving exceptionally good presents, for children and adults. The Travis I write is not interested in parenthood, although his Mirror Universe counterpart is. The Phlox that I write tells bad jokes that often backfire.

Without characters, stories aren’t worth reading.

Conflict

For longer works, conflict is key (for very short slices of life, a writer can skip this). Otherwise, stories meander and seem to have little point. In Reversal, the conflict between the Enterprise (in our universe) and the Defiant (in the Mirror) with the Calafans is a big driver of the piece. Without these conflicts, the story is mainly a bunch of dreams, and so is (I hope) interesting but, ultimately, somewhat soulless.

Crisis

Also known as climax, this is what the story is moving toward. In Reversal, I actually played on the synonym and then that led me (because my mind is in the gutter) to the idea of physical climax. And so I decided that, instead of one large climax (which would be male), I would go with a number of small climaxes, which is more female in nature. The smaller climaxes included the rescue, the movement of personnel off the Defiant and the aftermath of getting to the Enterprise.

Change

Characters and situations that do not change a unsatisfactory. They leave a reader, when a work is finished, with a feeling of “what was the point of all that?” I agree – and I despise when that happens. In Reversal, Lili ends up with a boatload of changes, but one of the biggest ones is that she begins the story essentially alone in the dark and ends it, again in the dark or at least semi-darkness, but she is no longer alone.

Edit It. Cut that story until it bleeds!

That is the other education mantra that Kitty had for me (and my fellow classmates). What it means, simply, is – don’t waste the readers’ time and good faith.

I have seen plenty of stories out there that seem to have extra stuffing in them. And one of the issues with Reversal is that, toward the end, I had some trouble letting it go. It wasn’t until I began to seriously think of a sequel that I was able to finally wrap things up. But if I were writing the story today, I would likely trim some of the chapters. As it is, between its initial posting on Trek United, then its addition to Issuu and then to its archiving on Ad Astra, the story has undergone some changes. Most are fairly cosmetic in nature. But I have attempted to tighten up the prose, which I feel makes for a better story.

Whimsy

Professor Starbuck was a different teacher and so he had different ideas of what made for good creative writing education. I well recall a number of exercises – one was to write about a far older relative and then to write about that person as a fourteen-year-old. Plus we wrote quite a bit of poetry.

One of the main things I learned from him was an appreciation for whimsy. There are plenty of ways to not take things quite so seriously, even when they are incredibly serious.

In the Times of the HG Wells series, I made it a point to give the time ships silly names. They are all named after something to do with time travel pop culture, such as the Flux Capacitor and the Audrey Niffenegger (she wrote The Time Traveler’s Wife). There is even whimsy on top of whimsy, as there is one outlier. One of the time ships is a successor vessel to the original Audrey Niffenegger. Its name is simply Audrey II, after the man-eating plant in Little Shop of Horrors.

Sports are another occasion for whimsy. A MACO is named Rex Ryan, after the current coach of the New York Jets. Gina Nolan‘s maiden name is Righetti, and she confirms to Kittris (who was named after Kitty Lindsay) that she is a descendant of 1981 American League Rookie of the Year Dave Righetti. Baseball player Ty Janeway has a fairly obvious origin, as do Mirror Universe baseball announcers Ted Trinneer and Jeff Blalock. Mirror Universe baseball is one big joke, with twelve team members instead of nine, twin pitchers and catchers and four bases. Even in a highly charged romantic moment, Doug dons one of Lili’s baseball caps and says, “Hey, I could play fourth base.”

Word Choice

Another thing I learned from George was the importance of word choice. For the story Paving Stones Made From Good Intentions, the title was changed twice. And it really was about education! It evolved as follows:

  • The first title was Paving Stones Made of Bad Intentions, as it is a Mirror Universe story. However, I didn’t like the idea of going with a straightforward opposite. Instead, I wanted for it to be a lot clearer that the centerpiece scene was an act of love. But it would be somewhat misguided love.
  • The second iteration was Paving Stones Made of Good Intentions. This corrected the idiom and better evoked the undercurrent of it being the road to hell. But I didn’t love how it flowed.
  • So the final title was Paving Stones Made From Good Intentions. This title brings together not only the fact that the centerpiece scene is happening because people mean well but also because this is the road to hell. Furthermore, I wanted the title to effectively denote that the road to hell is actually deliberately and actively fashioned from these good intentions. This is rather than somewhat more passively being made of them. A subtle difference, to be sure, but the idea was that the intentions are in a somewhat more refined form. It is – there are good intentions but they are perverted and shaped into the paving stones, as opposed to just laid down in the roadbed.

Upshot

When stories appear to be winding around a bit too much, or seem to be getting too wordy, I try to remember my education. I hope I’m doing my two teachers proud.

Thanks, Kitty and George.

Posted by jespah in Inspiration-Mechanics, 0 comments