In Character

The Aftermath of an Interview

Interview Aftermath

Interview? Totally relatable, or at least it should be.

It’s time to blog as a character again, to write about what happens after an interview.

Deutsch: Logo der Science-Fiction Serie Star T...

Deutsch: Logo der Science-Fiction Serie Star Trek: Enterprise (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

To me, this meant it had to be a character from the Times of the HG Wells Star Trek: Enterprise fan fiction series. I hadn’t written too much about HD Avery so here’s a chance to get to know him a little better.

This is Who I Am and Why I’m Here

Today is, uh, August 25th, 3109. My name is HD Avery. Well, uh, my full name is Henry Desmond Avery IV. So you know I call myself HD ‘cause the rest of it is completely lame-o.

Yeah, like, so this is me, HD Avery.

Yeah, like, so this is me, HD Avery.


So, anyway, I was contacted through these weird channels, and they brought me in, by shuttle, and we went through a bunch of way stations and I dunno what they all were but I’m thinking that was the idea. And we got to what was the headquarters of – get this – the Temporal Integrity Commission.

Now, I am used to playing it cool, of course, but it is apparently this is a group job interview.  And there are, like, twenty or so people. We’re all human or mostly, ’cause otherwise you can’t travel to Earth’s past ’cause that’s the kind of help they’re looking for.

So I meet this hot honey and she turns out to be the boss, get this, Admiral Carmen Calavicci. And she’s, you know, she’s telling me about the job and all that interview stuff, and all I can think of is that she is just this total MILF. Know what I mean? Are you hip to the 21st century lingo? ‘Cause not everyone is, yanno.

Total hot tamale. Er, pasta, or something. Ethic honeys of any sort are just, you know, they are nuclear.

Then she passes me off to this guy who’s, like, the size of a shuttle and he’s part-Gorn, I think. And he’s okay, but we don’t have much to talk about as he’s the Chief Engineer. Name’s O’Connor. Then they bring in some of the other candidates, and I don’t think any of them are in direct competition with me, but you never know, know what I’m sayin’?

We Had This Project to Do

And for this part of the interview, we’re made to pair off and try to work out a problem. We are given this holographic scene, everybody’s got their own suite, and it’s me and this totally prim and proper honey, she’s like Miss Priss and she’s named Alice Trent and she knows all about – can you believe this? – manners and protocols.

So anyway we have to figure out where we are, and what year it is.

And we are not allowed to just come out and ask. We have to blend in, as if it was real, okay? It’s all bright lights and big city and it is beyond glitzy.

But it’s older, yanno? So Alice, she says 21st century, and I am thinking maybe, maybe not ’cause it’s in real good shape and the people look healthy and there’s all these fancy cars and I think they’ve even got those old internal combustion engines.

And then, we’re walking along, see? And we gotta figure out the year and the place and there is this holographic honey wearing these – man oh man I know it ain’t real but the effect’s the same, okay? – these hot pants.  So I ask her if she’s a pro and she says yes and Miss Priss is just about ready to have a cow or something. Then I ask the holo-honey if it’s legal there and she says yes again and wham! I know it’s old Nevada.

Viva Las Vegas

There’s slot machines and wheels of fortune, if you go into even just the foyers of buildings, so it’s either Reno or Las Vegas. So I start singing the only song I know about Nevada, and that’s Viva Las Vegas.

Viva Las Vegas (song)

Viva Las Vegas (song) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Well, the holo-honey, she looks all sad and I ask her why the long face and she says it’s a pity that he died so young. And then the holo-honey tells me she won’t talk to me no more unless I pay her. But we ain’t got no money, so she, like, disappears back into the program.

By now, Miss Priss is totally mortified but I tell her to get Arctic ’cause I know we’re in either Vegas or Reno and it’s after, I think, about 1979 or so ’cause Elvis is dead. Then Miss Priss finally starts to look around and she’s picking up clues, too, and she says it’s before The Third World War ’cause the air is clean and all the holo-people don’t look sick. I’m all polite and stuff and I don’t tell her I already figured that part out. I mean, honestly. Duh.


Then we walked some more, and there was this place with karaoke and so we went in there, and I can tell Miss Priss hates it in there, so I am, you know, totally stoked.  And I start asking what’s the really new, cutting edge stuff they’ve got, and there’s a DJ there, and he punches up, it looks like it’s maybe one of those monster kinda rap-R & B-type hits that were really popular during those decades.

It takes me a little while to figure out the beat and by then Alice is asking one of the holo-people some stuff about the President of the United States, and somebody says – stupid holo-people – says that the President is not a citizen, so we know it’s truther nonsense about Obama and that is, I think, somewhere between 2000 and 2020 and that works with the music.

Official photographic portrait of US President...

Official photographic portrait of US President Barack Obama (born 4 August 1961; assumed office 20 January 2009) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Now we’re cookin’ but we still aren’t at a year yet. I mean, a two-decade range, it’s just not good enough, am I right? So Alice and me, we set about trying to figure more of it out. And nobody’s reading a newspaper, so that’s no good, and they’ve all got little PADD-like phones but that doesn’t narrow it down much although I’m thinking it’s later in our two-decade window.

Then I Sang

So I go to sing the song and there are, I dunno, maybe sixteen or so holo-people in the room. I am used to performing in front of tons more, but that’s okay.  And I said, “This is for Elvis, Viva Las Vegas!” And they all cheered so I think that kinda helps to confirm that it’s Vegas and not Reno.

I sing the song, and Alice is looking everybody over, and somebody mentions that they think Miami won’t repeat as NBA Champions. And we look at each other and we both get it, ’cause Miami wasn’t champs after 2014.

And she said out loud that it was 2014 Las Vegas and the program stopped and they said we were right. Then we had to go home.

The Flight Home

This was tricky and bad as I went back with these honeys named Helen Walker and Marisol Castillo. There were other people, but that’s who I was noticing, okay? But the shuttle crashed on Berren One.  And we had a casualty – Walker didn’t make it. I know I should talk more about it, but I didn’t know her and it all feels just kinda weird. I dunno. You know?

So it’s been a really full day with the interview and I am beat and maybe I should be sadder because of Walker’s death but I just feel tired and strange. I guess they’ll contact me and tell me if I got the job. I dunno.

Thanks for listening, and here’s the song I sang in case you’re interested, okay?

Posted by jespah in Boldly Reading, Fan fiction, Times of the HG Wells series, 4 comments

Pocket Conflicts

The most recent Boldly Reading prompt was about pocket conflicts. And that can only mean one person.

This is the Total Jerkface Conflict Number I Dunno Whatever!

My name is Marie Patrice Beckett, but just about everybody calls me Empy. The date is, um, January 12, 2173 and I just turned thirteen yesterday. This is my most secretest of diaries so I gotta say something right now, and that is – NO BOYS ALLOWED!!!

Honestly! They are such a pain in my keister. See, our family lives on Lafa II, and it’s kinda complex so I have a full-blooded brother and I have three half-brothers, okay? But other than us, there aren’t a lot of human kids, so we’re mainly all thrown together all the time. It totally does not help that the school is like this one-room schoolhouse. I swear, it’s more like 1873 than 2173! Yeah, I know!

But yeah – BOYS – Gawd, they make me crazy. There are Calafan guys, too, but they’re, I dunno, they’re mostly better, I guess. Mostly – it’s not like it’s a miracle or anything.

So, like, first off, for my birthday, I did my hair all nice and I was wearing red and I looked really good, like this, see?

Me (as portrayed by Cameron Diaz)

Me (as portrayed by Cameron Diaz)

Am I not totally adorable here?


Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, my brothers, the bane of my existence. So first there’s my full brother, Joss, who is like the biggest jerk, ever. I don’t know what my friend Jia sees in him. He is such a pain! See, he’s already almost fourteen and a half and the Calafans let you learn how to drive.

I know, girlfriend diary.

Anyway, so he’s learning to drive, so our Mom, Lili, she takes him out all the time, and half the time I’m in the back, and I’m bored outta my skull. But I can’t just look at my PADD ’cause he kinda starts and stops and our Mom, she keeps stamping on the floor on her side, like she’s got a brake there, or something. Confidentially, I think she thinks he’s too young to be driving but our Dad, Doug, he seems to be okay with it but he goes off with his military unit and he doesn’t have to deal with it. So, it’s like really distracting, all of that starting and stopping and stamping, and the movement all just makes me nauseous. So, you know, a PADD is like out of the question.

Tommy and Neil

Then there’s Tommy, who is one of our three half-brothers. And he and I get along okay, but you should see him at the Calafan festivals! There are maybe a ton of them and I swear he’s got a dream girl who he contacts and that gets our friend Cindy all angry ’cause I think they’re supposed to be going out even though Tommy is like a few months younger than I am.

And his little brother, Neil, well, Neil is totally studious and his nose is always in his PADD. I swear that he’s working all the time and you know what they say about all work and no play. He can be so boring sometimes.


Declan is, like, the easiest one to get along with but he’s another one with a nose in his PADD all the time. He is always drawing! He barely pays attention to what you say, but he does seem to pay attention to a person’s looks. His Dad doesn’t come around as much as he should, I gotta say, but it’s ’cause he’s teaching combat training on Earth and sometimes he’s an acting captain. I swear, they’d better make Mackum – uh, Malcolm Reed – a for-real captain before we all get any older!

So, like, there are also human boys who are not related who live on this planet, but not too many of them. Dave Ryan is just too dopey and puppy-like for words. But Ken Masterson might be okay. When he and his folks visited my folks from the Cochrane, he was, you know, he was hanging around while his Mom, Deb Haddon Masterson, was doing something with my Mom in our kitchen, and his Dad, Chip Masterson, was out back playing horseshoes and drinking beers with my Dad. And, like, Ken was asking if a boy had ever kissed me before. And I was gonna answer him but my stupid brothers were around and it was just not a good time. That was last year.


But let me tell you about yesterday. So, like I was all dolled up, all nice, but I spilled a little grape juice on my red dress so I changed into a red tee shirt and shorts and we were gonna go to my Mom’s restaurant, Reversal, and stuff. And it was gonna be nice and kinda classy and stuff.

And then my stupid brothers – it was Joss who was the ringleader, did I tell you he’s the biggest jerk? Well, if I didn’t, he is a total jerkface. Anyway, so my stupid brothers, they pelted me with water balloons and we were already running really late and my Dad was, like, “You don’t have the time to change.” And I was, like, “But Dad, I look like a total loser!” And he was, like, “Your Mom is gonna be sooooo pissed if we’re late.” ‘Cause Mackum had come over, and it was, you know, they hadn’t seen each other in a while and it was a surprise and all that even though it was MY birthday!

I swear, sometimes, girlfriend diary.

Me, like, totally dorky (as portrayed by Cameron Diaz)

Me, like, totally dorky (as portrayed by Cameron Diaz)

So, like, we had to go and I didn’t have the time to fix my hair so I ended up looking totally dorky, just like this.

I swear to God, Jeremiah Logan Beckett, you can run, but you can’t hide.

And I will get my revenge in September, when you turn fifteen. I swear to God, or my name isn’t Empy.

Posted by jespah in Fan fiction, In Between Days series, 5 comments

In Character – Kevin O’Connor

English: HG Wells Kevin

English: HG Wells (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Kevin O’Connor Speaks!

Kevin is me. I’m Kevin.

Now, now, Darlin’, my name is Kevin O’Connor and I have no idea why I’m here, but I’m a-gonna try to do this right, even though there’s a buncha stories in the Times of the HG Wells collection that I am not in. So you might see a story and I’m not there, but that’s all right ’cause other characters, they need to get their due, too.

And before I say anything, the blog owner really should mark the 2013 Blog Year in Review.

Now that that’s outta the way, uh, where were we? Yeah. I’m takin’ over this blog, even though God knows I’m not much of a writer. That’s a soft skill, yanno, like public speakin’ or sales. But gimme a time ship any day, or even a replicator.

New coffee maker Kevin

New coffee maker (Photo credit: scriptingnews)

The Commission sent me to pre-Warp a few times – I had to keep long sleeves and long pants on, and a high collar, all on account o’ my scales – you know my Mama was a Gorn, right? And I swear it was like them old coffee makers was speakin’ to me.

So in case you’re unsure, I am an engineer.

Anyway, damn your eyes, or maybe damn mine, but there are questions to answer, and here I am, wastin’ time even though time is my business, Darlin’.

It’s all, uh, here.


How do you handle them?

So I’ll tell you about my biggest transition, which was when Josie went from bein’ her beautiful, vibrant, funny, sweet self to, well, you don’t wanna know. Damn Piaris Syndrome. Dammit all to hell. It just takes ever’thin’. It rips it out and it stomps on it and all it does it hurt ya.

But lemme start from the beginnin’, see? I met her, it was at this party, it was, uh, it’s all in a story called The Point is Probably Moot. And she was, well, here’s a pitcher of her.

Ashley Olsen at Luna Park, Sydney Kevin

Kevin misses Josie (Ashley Olsen at Luna Park, Sydney (Photo credit: Wikipedia))

Wasn’t she a peach?


She was Aenar, yanno. Blind as a bat. And I took her to a ballgame for our first date, and I messed up and I called her Josie even though her real name was Jhasi. But she laughed at that but she did grab a cap from the wrong team. I think that was a joke on her part, way back when. It’s all in The Honky Tonk Angel. That is, if you wanna look. I don’t mind waitin’, Darlin’.

But it all went bad, when she got sick. It was, see, in your time period, it looks kinda like lupus to start, and then it gets a lot like Lou Gehrig’s disease and then it just eats away ever’thin’. And then in the end, y’see, you lose your thoughts and your mind and your memories. Hardest part was when she didn’t know me.

‘Scuse me, I gotta take a break, okay?

After Break

Okay, I’m okay now. It’s, see, there’s a story called Candy and it’s about when we renewed our vows. We did that on account that, well, she was a few months from, man, it was a few months before she died.

So how did I handle that? Rick Daniels says I was brave. I guess; I dunno. Because I like to think that bravery is runnin’ and dodgin’ phasers or stuff like that. I just did what, you know, any husband would do, I think. I have to think that.

Do they frighten you? Inspire you? Sicken you? Amuse you?

So what did this transition do? Well, it scared the crap outta me to start, of course. I mean, you fall in love, you marry, and you make plans, yanno? And we wasn’t gonna have kids, but we still figured it would be, like my family motto says, it would be forever.

Whatever forever means, when there’s cruel mortality, I suppose.

"Forever" Kevin

“Forever” (Photo credit: seanmcgrath)

It’s a joke, or at least that’s how I saw it at the time. It just hurt like you wouldn’t believe. And it was as if I’d been stabbed with a sword.

It was terrible until I met Yilta. She’s a Calafan, see? And they’re really open and kind, and they seem to, in some ways, it’s like they love us better than we love ourselves. I dunno how else I can describe it. But they do. I, uh, I should get a pitcher; I don’t have one right now. She’ll give me a playful punch on the arm when she learns I don’t have a pitcher to show you. But she’s a silver one, so she’s from our universe. She’s got hair and pretty well-developed calloo – that’s the pattern on their arms ‘n legs – so she’s, yanno, she’s been around the block a few times. She’s from Lafa V and her accent, it sounds like an Irish brogue. Very understanding about Josie, and very cute, she is, see. She’s made that transition so much easier.

And it gets me to wond’rin’, even though it’s not one o’ the questions, but I wonder what I’d’a done if I knew Yilta while me and Josie was married. Yilta, I know, she wouldn’t be a home-wrecker, but what happens when it’s all falling apart, anyway? Anyway, you didn’t ask that so I’m left to just wonder.

Tell us about a memorable transition. Maybe one that went well.

Anyway, so that’s the biggest ole transition in my life, or maybe it’s a buncha ’em. It’s going from lonely bachelor to husband to caregiver to widower to, now, heh, boyfriend.

I am over seventy years old in human years and me, Kevin O’Connor, I am a boyfriend.

Yeah, it makes me laugh, too.

Or, if you dare, one that didn’t go so well.

But it’s also, at the same time, it’s the transition that didn’t go so well. ‘Course poor Josie never asked for none o’ that. She was, I mean, she was a kindergarten teacher. She was unselfish and lovely and, man oh man they say God takes people like that young because he needs ’em but I still can’t help but wonder why sometimes.

Bonus Questions!

Let’s say you meet a character. It could be a canon person, or not. They might be from your universe, or not. What would you tell them about a transition that they might be going through? How could you help them with it? Would you help them?

I think ever’body goes through transitions, ’cause otherwise they’re not really characters, see? They’re just flat on a page. If they’re gonna live, they gotta have changes.

So I’ll look at somebody outside my time frame. See, I’m a time guy, so’s I can do that. And I’ll spin the big wheel and will ya look at that? I came up with Eriecho. This is my lucky day; I should play the Ferengi lottery next, I think.

See, Eriecho really had a big transition when she was let outta jail. She had never, ever been free before, and it was strange to her. I think it even kinda scared her, even at the same time as it thrilled her. So she was, you see, she was at a loss as to what to do. And I think she still is. Sure, she loves Sollastek and they’ll get married. And hey, maybe I’ll refurbish one o’ them ole coffee makers and send ’em one but I bet Yilta would tell me we should send somethin’ nicer, too. But she’ll pick out the doilies or whatever. You know how women like to do that.

It’s Not So Scary

I think I’d let Eriecho know that it’s not so scary, bein’ free. And you gotta fill up yer time, otherwise you just get bored. But it doesn’t have to be structured, and it doesn’t have to be other people’s ideas of what ya should do. See, we know the alternatives, and Otra sees ’em, and she tells me that that other timeline, you know the one you all call nuTrek or JJ Abrams Trek or whatever? She tells me it’ll resolve itself, and it’ll be better. And it won’t send Eriecho back to jail or anythin’ like that, so that’s good.

So all’s Eriecho’s gotta do – all any of us has gotta do – is just hang in there. And do what we think is right and best. What we feel is honorable or lovin’ or kind or artistic or well-engineered or even just interestin’. We can ride out the transitions, and let ’em wash off our backs.

And lemme tell ya, I weigh nearly a quarter of a metric ton and I got a pretty damn broad back, Darlin’. But Eriecho, see, and anyone else readin’ this? Just roll with them changes, and do whatever it is that you’re doin’ that feels right. ‘Cause I bet it is. You prolly know better ‘n you think.

Hey, mebbe I do, too.

Nice talkin’ to ya, Darlin’. Okay, I’ll give the blog back, now. Thanks for the soap box.

Posted by jespah in Fan fiction, Meta, Times of the HG Wells series, 4 comments