Rayna Montgomery

Review – Report Card

Review – Report Card

Report Card does not work well as a story at all. I take full responsibility for that. I should have taken a lot more time to write it and try to perfect it. Instead, it comes across as the rushed collection of half-jokes that it is. This was a poor idea on my part, and it really shows.

Background

I had enjoyed writing Freak School, the original adventures of Klingon-human hybrid teenager Rayna Montgomery. As a result, I was looking to write a sequel.

Barking Up The Muse Tree | jespah | Janet Gershen-Siegel | The Archer Academy at Oberon (which Rayna Montgomery calls the Freak School) | Report Card

The Archer Academy at Oberon (which Rayna Montgomery calls the Freak School)

Plot

So as a sequel and a bit of a complement to Freak School, Rayna’s report card and her class reports are shown. In addition, her parents receive a general communication from the Archer Academy at Oberon which includes a month’s worth of menus. Since this is a boarding school, and it quite literally caters to aliens, the foods on offer are canon and fanfiction alien foods in a mix with human specialties.

Story Postings

Rating

The story is rated K.

Upshot

The idea was a decent one, albeit without much of a plot. I think execution could have been considerably better. Rayna is a fun character, but the observations of her are dry.  Stories about her do considerably better if her Valley Girl-style voice can be heard distinctly, and that simply is not the case with Report Card. Rayna deserves a far better sequel than this one.

In addition, the story, such as it is, suffers from how long it took to get it to go live. If the time period had been shorter, the jokes would have made a lot more sense. Instead, it’s just plain confusing.

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Posted by jespah in Fan fiction, Mixing It Up Collection, Review, 2 comments

Review – Freak School

Review – Freak School

Freak School was one of these odd, serendipitous moments where suddenly all I do is type and it’s as if I’m taking dictation.

Barking Up the Muse Tree | jespah | Janet Gershen-Siegel | Freak School

Freak School

Our story is all diary entries. And these are the entries of a teenage girl. The whole thing is a project for her English class. Pretty soon the diarist – Rayna Montgomery – begins to reveal things about herself. Like, for example, that she’s only partly human. And that she’s been sent to a school for hybrid children. This was because she couldn’t get along with the kids at her old school in Connecticut. She was the victim of some teasing and, because she’s a pretty big girl herself, retaliation was problematic.

Punishment

Hence Rayna is sent to the Archer Academy at Oberon, a school for troubled hybrid children. In addition to her regular subjects, she has to attend Group, which is intended to be a sort of rap session/quasi-therapy. I well recall a class like that when I was in High School (it was the 70s; it’s just what we did back then), and how, in general, it was pretty dull but the dynamics of the group could be of interest.

Rayna deals with a personality conflict with a female classmate, a lovesick male classmate who she doesn’t feel the same way about, and a new student upon whom she has quite the crush. She also has a very heavy Valley Girl type of an accent. I hear Moon Unit Zappa in Frank Zappa’s “Valley Girl” song when I hear Rayna’s voice.

As Rayna herself says:

“See – and if you’re some archaeologist digging this up in, like, a thousand years, you should know that there are all of these species in the Federation. Before we all had Warp Drive, we just went our merry ways, but now that there’s been peace for a while – ugh – there’s all this interspecies marriage. So kids like me are born.

I mean, it’s not like we all didn’t try. I tried while I was in Connecticut, but there were just too many rules. And, like I’ve said, I got the worst of both worlds. I’m too short and soft to be menacing, and I’m too freaky-looking to fit in, in Connecticut or anywhere else on Earth.

Let’s just say – despite what my Mom used to say – I am not a pretty girl.”

But she is crafty.

Story Postings

Rating

The story is rated T.

Upshot

It was great fun to write. I can see little typos but otherwise I’m happy with it. And there’s even a sequel.

Posted by jespah in Fan fiction, Mixing It Up Collection, Review, 5 comments